What it’s like being photographed by me, a male boudoir photographer
Intro
There are so many super talented boudoir photographers out there!
Men in this field are still pretty rare though — and I don’t mean Creepy Guys With Cameras™️ (plenty of those out there), but actual caring professionals that are truly trying to help women. It’s on me to continuously earn my place in the latter group and not the former.
I want to give anyone considering a session with me some information on what they can expect, from the booking process, to the session itself, and beyond.
The Goal
Why is this guy shooting boudoir?
Boudoir for me is about helping people. I get to use the creative, technical, social skills I’ve honed over these past 10+ years as a portrait & wedding photographer to help women — help them express themselves, help them explore their sexuality, help them feel confident, help them through something they’ve probably never done before, and absolutely to help them have gorgeous photos.
My sessions vary wildly in tone, level, location, outfit — because I’m not here to impose my vision on the women I photograph! It’s about seeing you and helping your self be seen.
A photographer’s portfolio and intentions are a great place to start when considering a session; it’s usually pretty clear when a guy is in this to be a creep, and when they’re in it for their client.
I asked some women I know to share red flags they’ve come across working with male photographers and here’s what I heard:
“Only wanting to shoot nude”
“Sliding into your DMs unsolicited”
“Asking for SW content”
“Unclear expectations (lingerie vs semi-nude vs nudity) not being clear ahead of time”
“Referring to women as females”
“Discounting a collab and making it seem it’s an urgent thing to do”
Is their portfolio repetitive, low-effort, primarily explicit nudes? Are they not clear about the “levels” ahead of time? Do they use objectifying language? Do they pressure you to book? There are probably so many more red flags, but a gut check on what kind of work they’re doing and why is crucial.
The Process
Booking
My booking process is pretty straightforward — once you inquire, I’ll send over a questionnaire to get the ball rolling on all the options and possibilities for your session. This happens before we start talking about availability and contracts. Before you officially become my client, I want to make sure we’re a good fit!
From the get-go we’re establishing your boundaries and goals, and starting to define a vibe and location and the outfits that speak to you. Tons of fun options, and the important thing is that there’s no hierarchy; no location is “better” than another, no level of undress “better” than another. Boudoir photography can be so much more than just lacey-sexy-bombshell (but it can also be that!)
With your questionnaire finished, we’ll hop on a video call together to meet and talk through it. It’s so much nicer meeting ahead of time, and discussing things like goals and boundaries, before the day of your session.
Unsure about outfit(s)? Unsure about location? Unsure about how to “be sexy”? We can talk through all this stuff on our call, or at any point before your session. I’m happy to help!
If the fit sounds good, I’ll send over a simple proposal and contract to secure your date and time.
Shooting
Most of my clients are coming to their session with little or no experience having professional photos taken. Combine this with some form of undress, and the nerves and butterflies can understandably be intense.
Calming these nerves and channeling these butterflies is the mark of a good photographer — the experience you have depends on it, your photos depend on it, so I take this part seriously.
Well before any photos are taken, I’ll start the session with an intention setting — a little check-in chat to see how you’re feeling, to review what we’re there to do together, to make any last-minute outfit choices, and review our inspo board one last time.
The actual photo-taking starts with some zero-pressure warm up — we’ll start some music and jump into some simple photos with light direction. We’re both still warming up to working together! And these first photos don’t have to be art right off the bat. Generally though I’ll include photos from this part in your gallery because they tend to be beautiful anyway.
From there it’s a collaborative process; we’ll glance at the inspo board, you’ll get plenty of direction, and we’ll leave plenty of space for you to improvise, to flow, to feel. I’ll show you some photos on the back of the camera. We can take breaks, we can change outfits, we can switch up shooting location — it’s an organic process that’s actually really fun.
Before you know it, we’ve been shooting for 2hrs. It flies by, and you leave your session feeling incredible. Then it’s just a short wait to see your images (I work quickly).
We can chat album or print options any time after you receive your gallery. Whether for a gift or for you, there’s something magic about seeing yourself in this tangible way.
The Realities
At best, it would be ignorant for a man to try to convince a woman that there’s no difference being photographed by a man, or that men somehow make better boudoir photographers than women — there’s absolutely a difference, though it’s sometimes undefinable, and deservedly there are extra limitations and concerns with working in this intimate space with a dude.
Before your session this looks like researching your photographer — see what’s in his portfolio, see the kinds of people he works with, the kinds of images he advertises, how he talks about this work, the awareness he shows about his clients’ comfort, how he talks about his clients, and crucially what his clients say about him.
It’s also important to look over the contract and model release; what say will you have about where these images end up? What if you don’t want certain images shown? All important things to address well before any images are taken.
During your session
Some things that women photographers can say and do with their clients during a session should absolutely not be done by men. It’s just different, and that’s 1000% for the best.
The key differences during a session come down to communication, direction, and contact.
As a starting point men should be more conscious and conservative with the language they use about their clients’ bodies. When directing I use phrases like “try covering your chest with your hands like this” or “maybe turn your hips his way” — would some women be fine with me using boobs instead of chest? Or ass instead of hips? Maybe! But it could make an equal number uncomfortable, and it’s also just not necessary to get direction across.
Complements and feedback are also pretty crucial in the process — when you’re putting yourself out there, it can be nice to know when you’re doing a great job, and it’s nice to see that the photos you’re making look awesome. There’s more gray area here, but I avoid singling out parts of your body. There’s a way to do this that isn’t creepy.
And lastly, no dude should touch their client without very clear communication and need. There are so many tools at our disposal as photographers that don’t involve touch — we can use our words, we can mime something for you, we can step in and demonstrate for you. With these things exhausted, there are times when yeah it can be easier to just ask, “Hey is it cool if I adjust your hair for you?” This is a rarity! The last time I did this, my client, a model, was in this narrow space between two huge rocks and couldn’t easily reach her hair. I asked her, she said it was totally fine, and that was that.
Closing
I’m totally aware of what a privilege it is to be trusted by women in this space; trust is earned, and I’m just grateful to be able to help in such a creative and fulfilling way.
I want women to feel comfortable with their choice of boudoir photographer way more than I want to convince women that they need to work with a man. Hopefully this guide helps those that dig my work and might want to take the next step.
